Hi. I want to talk to you today about relationship topics. It’s one of my favorite topics, because in the past it caused me so much pain not to be clear on the type of relationships that I wanted. I’m sure this is true for you too, that relationships cause us the most ecstasy, the most pleasure and fulfillment and enormous pain and suffering. This is the human condition, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a business relationship, family relationship, or close friends.
When stuff happens, many times, the bottom line is we were not clear what type of relationship we wanted personally, not what the other person wants, but what you want. I will talk about the first of three types. The first type is what I will call a fling or one night stand it’s where a couple of people get together very intensely result of alcohol or drugs involved and its very short lived. Many people feel these relationships are destructive and that it can lower your self-esteem, but only you know for sure if those relationships have value for you.
The second and third type of relationships is what I want to focus on today. The second one is called a workout relationship, you find a connection with a person, you want to spend time with them, you want to learn from them, share with them, be affectionate with them, it usually last at least six months maybe up to twenty four months but typically not more than three years. The beautiful thing about workout relationship is you can learn a lot, but both the man and the woman are up front going in that it is not a committed long term relationship. Therefore, with that honesty, no one gets hurt and you work out the types of issues that you have from your family of origin or perhaps from previous relationships.
The third type of relationship of course, would be the ideal relationship where you will be a life partner, there could be a marriage involved and children. You know, setting up your own family and so on and so forth. The problem however is when the boundaries get blurred between the second and third relationship. Is if you say “well I will stick my toe in the water maybe it will work into something long term maybe it won’t. Not sure what she wants. I’m not sure what he wants.” This is where people run into problems. I have learned the hard way. Honestly, from my own life that clarity is the king and queen of beautiful relationships, whether they be a workout or whether they be a permanent committed relationship.
So, I noticed for example I worked with a lot of women on their relationship issues over the years. That often, this scenario will happen. A woman will meet a guy she thinks is wonderful maybe he is just come off a long-term relationship but he has been hurt. He just been sticking his toe back in the water, he wants to start dating again. Well, have a little fun, he is clearly not ready for a commitment. But this woman will meet him and say he is a wonderful guy and she will try to convert him into her life partner or her dream guy. She may love his values. She may think he would be a wonderful father or whatever she is thinking, but she is not hearing what he is saying on the very first date that I am not ready. So six months later, you know, I may talk to this woman, and she is devastated that she gave and gave, and he just went off with another woman or left her. And so, I don’t say that I told you so, but I just say “look next time from here on in you have to be clear about what you want.”
We all should look in the mirror every single day and say, you are amazing, you are smart, you’re creative, you’re funny, you’re great to be with, you make a great partner, and you’re drop dead gorgeous and what is it that you want? Do you want a workout relationship? Are you ready for a permanent relationship? Only you can answer that. And if you are honest, completely crystal clear honest with yourself this will spill over into the types of people that you meet. It will put you on a specific vibration that will lead to fulfillment, be on a workout relationship or a permanent relationship. So that’s what I want for you. I want fulfillment for you.
I want you to avoid some of the pain that I have had in my life in relationships and a lot of my clients and friends. So, go for it, get crystal clear, look in the mirror, remember you are drop dead gorgeous, have a great life.
If you want to learn more about this, you can look at our website, www.relationships.robertkirby.com
Have a great day!
Lead from your heart,