Hi. I’ve got really exciting news to share with you today about relationships. It’s taking me my whole life and that’s many decades to figure out that there’s a formula that can help every single relationship create long term happiness and has to do with the stages of relationships.

First we have the honeymoon phase where everyone agrees on everything the shared reality is very big; you love peperoni pizza; I love peperoni pizza. You want to go to Hawaii on vacation so do I. Then comes the power struggle and this is where the problems begin, where we start to see little criticism about one another. We start picking on the other person’s flaws and start to withdraw a little bit from the other person. And the third stage is mature love where you get past all the criticism and you move on to a stage of acceptance.

So how do you get pass the power struggle which is either the dream killer or the dream maker for every single couple? There is a formula that I created. It’s called equality plus vulnerability equals intimacy. By this I mean emotional and spiritual intimacy and physical passion. This is really simple because you don’t have a history with that person.  You don’t have those historical criticisms, rejections, hurt, betrayal, and so forth.

When you get in to the power struggle, we start to see a development of one person being in power, and the other person being dominated. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a father-daughter or a mother-son relationship. The equality goes out the window, then the person who is in power doesn’t need to be vulnerable anymore, because they are dictating and controlling the relationship and making most of the decisions.

The person who is being controlled is really vulnerable. They feel like a child; they feel a little bit lost. They still love the person, but they don’t know how to re-establish and regain that equality that brought them together. When I say share of power and equality, it doesn’t, have to do with how much money a person makes, it has to do with shared power and caring for one another, and sharing one’s feelings, and when there’s a problem you say I’m at least fifty percent of the problem and I am not going to blame you anymore.

So it’s taking responsibility for your part. It’s realizing that the other person has a separate reality from yours and just because they don’t agree with you, doesn’t mean they are wrong, and just because, I don’t agree with them, doesn’t mean we can’t work it out. We don’t have to agree on everything. This is a beautiful thing and can be worked out in an intimate relationship.

In working with a lot of couples, when they established or re-established the equality and they realize that they don’t need to dominate. This is historical stuff that happened from other relationships or from their family of origin, when they clear that stuff, they can come back to equality and are willing to be vulnerable and share their part in the relationship, things get much better very, very quickly.

There’s a lot more to know about this, and I wanted to share a little with you now. If you want to, click here to learn more. Also, Heartfelt Relationships is a free workshop that we offer. It’s a one-day workshop that teaches you a lot, on a much deeper level. So remember, you’re a great human being who can take your power back, be equal, and you deserve a great life.

Talk to you soon.

Lead from your heart,
Robert Kirby